What's Your Age For Retirement Teacher?

...you know as i was early in school today(arrived around 620am) .My mind went into a time warp mode. I suddenly found myself 80 years in the future. I know i am in a school but I cant recognise the school. Its like noon. Everybody was rushing somewhere. I could see students around me.They are with some blue tooth device thing attached to their ear lobes. Whereas the teachers( I so assume) were carrying some i-pad looking tablets. One teacher looked at me and said 'hey what are you waitng for...come let's go the hall? I asked 'The Hall? for what? The teacher replied Dont you want to sent off the retiring teacher. I said 'oh ok.

Thank god i thought that they still have this tradition of sending of retiring teachers where they are remembered for their services at school. I tagged along this teacher. I could see a huge number of teachers sittng at a designated place at the school hall. As they sat, I quickly had a sneaky look at the I-pad looking thing every teacher seemed holding. The teacher tells me that its the record book for them. The teacher has to only fill it once. The pad does the rest for the teacher. It even has a built in GPS to detect if inspectors are coming to school so that the teacher is ready and the Pad is programmed to churn out the best teaching plan for the day.(now thats cool!).I managed to look the brand name and it was DURIAN with a tag line of 'SMELL DIFFERENT'. Apparently its a local computer company that came up with the product and convinced the Education Ministry to use it. The teachers kept on saying it to me that its just like any other computer pads/tablets but it just smells different.(somehow I thought that the teachers are paid to tell this line to new comers at the school) ....

Anyway...The school head prefect announces us to get ready .Everybody stands up.There was dead silence.I could hear the birds outside chirping...suddenly the sonic tranquillity is wonderfully coloured by the sound of the Majestic Pipe Organ. Interestingly the school hall has a pipe organ and the organist plays a solemn piece. I was trying to stand on my toes. I was eager to see the retired teacher.I see the the school VIPs walking in with an entourage of prefects . And then the school band with their trumpeters playing in unison with the organ. And then something shocked me ! after the trumpeters a group of teachers carrying a coffin draped in the school flag. I freaked out! I asked the teacher next to me.WHATS GOING ON????!!!!!!!!!

The teacher retorted to me' Hey where are from? Another world!? Dont you know the retirement age for teachers? I answered I thought it's 60 and they just changed it from 58.The teacher answered 'you clown that was 80 years agolah...in fact after they said it was going to be 60 , ten years later t the government announced it 70 years.They kept on increasing till 85years.And now just ten years ago they made another change. The goverment came out with a circular that all teachers retire when they DIE!!!!!

My jaw was nearly touching the floor.The teacher exclaims' Leonard! can shut your mouth and follow the ceremony. I followed the event.The head of the school gave some eulogy and after some tearfull byes by the colleagues I was settling in. One thing I liked about the eulogy session was that the rostrum had a LCD screen displayed for the viewers. Most of the time time the screen remained blank when the teachers were giving their eulogy. I asked the teacher next to me what was the the screen for.The teacher said it was a lie detector machine . It would display the word you are lying whenever the person lies on the stage.I was impressed.

The event comes to an end. The organ is played again and the coffin is marched out with regal and splendour.The teacher then says come lets go the field. I just followed. Just as I was approaching the field I could hear the roaring thunder of the helicopter motor blades slicing the air .The helicopter hovers around the centre of the field.I see some guys in army fatigues descending from a rope from the helicopter.They reach reach down and harness some rope around the coffin.I asked the teacher bewildered 'what now?...she answered. Dont you know ? when we sign our retirement options there is a section on how you want to be sent off from school. This retired teacher chose : To be air lifted and sent to the cemetery.....again i was speechless.....!!!!!!..I have never fainted before.But this time it looked like anytime.

The teacher continued 'last year we sent a retired teacher on a horse carriage,another teacher wanted the coffin to be filled with durians...emm and then another adventureous one wanted to be shot from a cannon into a lorry filled with hay. But it was a disaster because the artillery guy misread the instruction and doused water on the coffin .The coffin got bloated.So when the cannon was fired the coffin got stuck in the cannon and it exploded in it Was a messy day in the field i remembered ....the teacher recalled with a sigh.

Now how do you want to be sent off?The teacher asks me...a chill ran through my spine. I just told the teacher I just want to retire gracefully at 58. Now let me go back home..if i can find my time warp entry...the school bell rang. I was at PFS everything looked normal..None of the teachers were carrying any I-pad looking devices.I knew i was safe.Amen