Feeling Coloured

'What colour do you see? Is the world black and white to you? What colour is my shirt?By the time I was 20 years old , I was immune to these questions thrown at me by my friends and strangers

whom came to know about my predicament. At the age of 15 I realised I was colour blind. How I got through till then without realising was an interesting one. I always thought I was slow in remembering colours because I had problem defining green,red and brown. When I was in standard two, I used to be reprimanded for colouring the grass with yellow instead of green by my teachers . So whenever I was colouring anything related to green I would ask my classmate to pass me the colour pencil he was using to colour the grass. Thinking I would learn the colours as I progressed up the class, but it didnt happen. I felt I didnt grasp the concept of colour and thought I was not a bright kid.

The Ishikara Colour Blind test was the litmus test for me. It was a routine test done at school when I was 15 years old. The test consists of a series of Circles filled with dotted colours and embedded numericals. So instead of identifying colours the person had to say the numbers he could see. So you could not fool the test by guessing . A colour blind person would fail to see the numbers which what happened exactly to me. It just appeared to be a bunch of dots that are randomly coloured. It was a hard blow to me.

 

                                     How You see it                     How I see it                    How I see it

 

Since small I always wanted to be an astronaut. Space was my dream home for me. Whenever my mom takes me to buy books for me, I would get books on space and planets. I remembered getting my first book on the red planet Mars. It was when Viking II had already landed. The stunning red planet photos by the Viking II captured my heart. I wanted to be an Astronaut or Cosmonaout depended whether the Americans or the Russians hire me. But all this came down crashing like a exploding rocket booster that failed to launch at a launch pad when I realised I was colour blind. I knew in any aviation and scientific discipline colourblindness was a disability that would not be considered for taking the job. In fact when Malaysia launched the First Malaysian Astronaut programme I sheepishly looked whether they might take in colourblind people (hoping) but it was boldly stated No Colour Blind people accepted.

Interestingly, that was the only sadness I had of my colourblindness , most of the time I had laughter from it actually. I had in many times commended my friends saying thats a nice red shirt you have...and the next thing they would say is Red? I am not wearing a red shirt but green..and I would burst out in laughter and apologise . Fixing the faux pas I had to do my usual declaration stating my colourblindness and go through the ritualistic questions from the person in the form of -what colour is this and that? Nowdays I just say 'that's a nice dress you are wearing. But one thing I kept asking in my mind was, how this world looked to the colour abled person.

I also dont remember people by what coloured dress or shirt they wore. I guess physcologically my brain doesnt relate things with colour. Many times I have given blank stares when people ask me like ' Remember the guy who wore the blue shirt yesterday?' I wouldnt know what coloured shirt a person wore because thats the last thing I would remember someone with- colour. My wife chooses most of my shirts , and I never buy dresses for her by myself . I have experimented enough and failed badly in getting a proper matching coloured dress for her. She chooses and I pay.(gladly of course). My two boys Gideon(9 years old) and Jeremiah(7 years old) are my grocery shopping important partners. They pin point for me the proper green vegetables to get at the supermarket.

With the advent of internet and information on colourblindness I came across various websites that shows to the colour abled vision people on how colourblind people see the world. There are various degrees and types of colourblindness. I was excited to show my friends how the world looks to me. Unfortunately I cant see how they see their normal ' correctly' coloured world. It only works in one way. I was surprised to learn from them that my world is a dull coloured world. It didnt make sense to me. The world I know is very vivid to me.

 

In fact I marvelled so many times when I see the sunset. The orange hue(hopefully its orange for you people) especially at sunset is so saturated especially during the last few minutes before the sun sets. It goes into a fantastic glow and dims all of a sudden when the sun sets. And if on a cloudy evening , as the sun around an hour before sunset, hits the edges of the clouds to give a golden lining tinged with silvery bright outline to the clouds. I always go on the lookout for sunset spots on the island to watch. Whenever I pass by people selling flowers by the roadside I would try to stop and take photos. I feel like they are not selling flowers but colours! The massive clear blue skies smudged with white clouds are my favourite photographing shots. Yes, photography is a hobby I take seriously and I enjoy delving in it. It made me think of how I perceived my colourblindness. Its just like looking at things in a slightly different perspective but as equal value as the colour abled person. I got myself blinded to colourblindness and carried on doing what I liked.

 

Though I didnt manage to hitch a ride in a space shuttle, interestingly I make my trip to space often. Definately not through drugs but through music. A heart and mind soothing gift my parents nurtured and encouraged me to pursue..that is-playing music at the church. I play the pipe organ , if you have seen a console of an organ you would know what I am saying. I think its like a spaceship control console. When I play at the church the omnipotent God for me is close at my heart and also majestically high above the heavens. I vision myself being transponded to space when I play the organ with the choir and congregation in unison seeking god in the heavenly realm of glory. Its a surreal experience for me when I play the organ at the church .

 My music friends whom I play with in a secular scenario always know that I describe each performance as a trip into space when I do my gigs. We would use terms like fly by planet Venus, planet colission, etc in our gigs. In fact some of my compositions are named with space innuendos like Space Vortex.

I am still perplexed on how dull coloured my world is. Its definitely a colourfull world we have been blessed with whether we see it or not. I guess the world is best coloured when we feel it rather than seeing it.
LEONARD SELVA